my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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