How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
