He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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