remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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