thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
