I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
