Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
