How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
