Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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