He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
