1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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