Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
