well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
