I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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