she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We talked him into tasing himself.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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