how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
