there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Come on in and take your pants off
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
