I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
