There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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