be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm getting married
To pizza
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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