I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
