she looked like the before picture.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize