Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
