Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
