Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
