dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
