..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
