life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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