So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
