I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
