how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
