Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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