You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
