he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
