I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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