Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize