I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
