I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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