No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
