sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
