i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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