also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
