I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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