That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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