do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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