dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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