I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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