On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
