Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
