i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
