im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Screwed.edu
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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