My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
