Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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