hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
