I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
