She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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