We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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