i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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