What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
