Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
