I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
