he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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