he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
