I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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