i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
