Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
