It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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