I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
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He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
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