he wants to bone in the snuggie
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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