Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
