ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize