i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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