someone get that fucking seahorse.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
