I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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