i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
