Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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