OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
