Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
