clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize