there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
