that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
