Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
