TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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