Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
