I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
