After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
